A Widow's Walk and Talk

 Today at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent.
 From my purchase this chap took off ten percent.
 We asked for the cause of a lesser amount;
 And he answered, Because of the Seniors Discount.

 We went to McDonald’s for a burger and fries;
 And there, once again, got quite a surprise.
 The clerk poured some coffee which he handed to us.
 He said, For you, Seniors, the coffee is free.
 
 Understand—We’re not old—We’re merely mature;
 But some things are changing, temporarily, We’re sure.
 The newspaper print gets smaller each day,
 And people speak softer—can’t hear what they say.

 Our teeth are our own (We have the receipt.),
 and our  glasses identify people we meet.
 Oh, We’ve slowed down a bit…not a lot, we’re sure.
 You see, we’re not old…we’re  only mature.

 The gold in our hair has been bleached by the sun.
 You should see all the damage that chlorine has done.
 Washing our hair has turned it all white,
 But don’t call it gray…saying blond is just right.

 Our car is all paid for…not a nickel is owed.
 Yet a kid yells, Old duffer…get off of the road!
 Our car has no scratches…not even a dent.
 Still we get all that guff from a punk who’s Hell bent.

 Our  friends all get older…much faster than us.
 They seem much more wrinkled, from what we  can see. We’ve  got
 character
 lines, not wrinkles…for sure,
 But don’t call us old…just call us  mature.

 The steps in the houses they’re building today
 Are so high that they take…your breath all away;
 And the streets are much steeper than ten years ago.
 That should explain why our  walking is slow.

 But we’re  keeping up on what’s hip and what’s new,
 And we  think we can still dance a mean boogaloo.
 We’re still in the running…in this we’re  secure,
 We’re not really old…**WE’RE ONLY MATURE**!!*
 Youth is a gift of nature. Age is a work of art.*

 Grandma,  some ninety plus years, sat feebly on the patio  bench.. She didn’t move, just sat with her head down  staring at her hands.

 When  I sat down beside her she didn’t acknowledge my  presence and the longer I sat I wondered if she was  OK.

 Finally,  not really wanting to disturb her but wanting to  check on her at the same time, I asked her if she  was OK. She raised her head and looked at me and  smiled ‘Yes, I’m fine, thank you for asking,’ she  said in a clear voice  strong.

 ’I  didn’t mean to disturb you, grandma, but you were  just sitting here staring at your hands and I wanted  to make sure you were OK,’ I explained to  her.

 ’Have  you ever looked at your hands,’ she asked. ‘I mean  really looked at your  hands?’

 I  slowly opened my hands and stared down at them. I  turned them over, palms up and then palms down. No,  I guess I had never really looked at my hands as I  tried to figure out the point she was  making.

 Grandma  smiled and related this  story:

 ’Stop  and think for a moment about the hands you have, how  they have served you well throughout your years.  These hands, though wrinkled shriveled and weak have  been the tools I have used all my life to reach out  and grab and embrace  life.

 ’They  braced and caught my fall when as a toddler I  crashed upon the floor..

 They  put food in my mouth and clothes on my back. As a  child, my mother taught me to fold them in prayer.  They tied my shoes and pulled on my boots. They held  my husband and wiped my tears when he went off to  war.

 ’They  have been dirty, scraped and raw, swollen and bent.  They were uneasy and clumsy when I tried to hold my  newborn son. Decorated with my wedding band they  showed the world that I was married and loved  someone special

 They  wrote my letters to him and trembled and shook when  I buried my parents and  spouse.

 ’They  have held my children and grandchildren, consoled  neighbors, and shook in fists of anger when I didn’t  understand.

 They  have covered my face, combed my hair, and washed and  cleansed the rest of my body. They have been sticky  and wet, bent and broken, dried and raw. And to this  day when not much of anything else of me works real  well these hands hold me up, lay me down, and again  continue to fold in  prayer.

 ’These  hands are the mark of where I’ve been and the  ruggedness of life.

 But  more importantly it will be these hands that God  will reach out and take when he leads me home. And  with my hands He will lift me to His side and there  I will use these hands to touch the face of  God.’

 I  will never look at my hands the same again. But I  remember God reached out and took my grandma’s hands  and led her home. When my hands are hurt or sore or  when I stroke the face of my children and husband I  think of grandma. I know she has been stroked and  caressed and held by the hands of  God.

 I,  too, want to touch the face of God and feel His  hands upon my face.

 When  you receive this, say a prayer for the person who  sent it to you, and watch God’s answer to prayer  work in your life. Let’s continue praying for one  another

 Their marriage was good, their dreams focused.
 Their best friends lived barely a wave away.

 I can see them now,

 Dad in trousers, work shirt and a hat;
  and Mom in a house dress,
 lawn mower in one hand, and dish-towel in the other?
  It was the time for fixing things:
 a curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door,
 the oven door, the hem in a dress.
 Things we keep.

 It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy?
 All that re-fixing, re-heating leftovers, renewing;
 I wanted just once to be wasteful? Waste meant affluence.. Throwing things away meant you knew there’d always be more.

 But when my mother died, and I was standing in that clear morning light in the warmth of the hospital room,
 I was struck with the pain of learning
 that sometimes there isn’t any more.

 Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away…never to return.
 So… While we have it, it’s best we love it… And care for it…
 And fix it when it’s broken… And heal it when it’s sick.

 This is true: For marriage… And old cars…
 And children with bad report cards…
 Dogs and cats with bad hips…
  And aging parents…
 And grandparents.
 We keep them because they are worth it,
 because we are worth it.
 Some things we keep,
 like a best friend that moved away
 or a classmate we grew up with.

 There are just some things that make life important,
 Like people we know who are special…
 And so, we keep them close!

Quoted from  Titus 2 KJV
What Must Be Taught to Various Groups
“ 1   You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine.

 2  Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.
 3  Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.

4  Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children,

5  to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

 6  Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled.

7  In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness

8  and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.

 9  Teach *slaves to be subject to their masters in everything, to try to please them, not to talk back to them,

10  and not to steal from them, but to show that they can be fully trusted, so that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive.

 11  For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men.

12  It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age,

13   while we wait for the blessed hope—the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ,

14  who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.

 15  These, then, are the things you should teach. Encourage and rebuke with all authority. Do not let anyone despise you.”

I have highlighted those words that have special meaning to me in this chapter.

*slaves – consider that this could also mean employees, indentured servants.  When we work for someone else, we owe them “X” number of hours for “X” salary and benefits.

I am very much interested in knowing what words speak to you as well.

When you are over 65 and lose your husband is probably the primary reason a woman becomes a widow or,  as I understand it that she begins feeling the lonliness. It is not just a being alone, but a very real lonliness.

• Natural,  No matter how much you prepare, you are never really prepared.
• Illness, In my opinion the most difficult. Watching a man waste away to nothing was the hardest thing I ever did in my life.
• Accidents
• War

Not only do we have to deal with being alone but also with losing a very real purpose in life.  Have you ever wondered why when someone becomes a widow or widower late in life that they too die shortly thereafter? 

The cause is more often lack of purpose. Purpose is that thing that makes you get up every morning. It is that thing that gives life meaning.  It is that thing that when found can put a twinkle in your eyes and that bounce back in your step.

Many women can fill in that gap by finding meaningful work or volunter activities. It is true that one of the best things you can do is to get your mind and your hands and your mind busy.   It is even more important that you keep yourself busy doing something meaningful to you.

Many women, like myself have chosen to work from home. There are so many things that you have done during your lifetime that can be of service to others.  Share your expertise and experience with others. You never know when your story, your experiences can be just that little piece of information that one person needed to hear or in our case read at just the right time.  One of my favorite quotes from First lady Eleanor Roosevelt  “It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness.”   Maybe just maybe you can be the one to light the candle.

There are many reasons you may become a widow when you are young. By young I mean especially those under 40.

I am thinking the main causes are:

• Natural, however not as common among young people.
• Illness
• Accidents
• War

In this age group if I were to venture a giant guess I would have to say that accidents and war are the main causes.  But in any case it is usually sudden and very frightening.  The loss of a spouse may also mean being a single parent.  When you are under 40 children may be under the age of 15 and very much affected by the loss of a parent.

Not only do you have to cope with your own grief, but that of your children.  It becomes very easy to go into denial about your own grief to handle that of your children.  It might sound awful, but I can tell you for sure it is easier to be a widow then it is to be divorced.

This time I had to go do a sleep study. He was about to send me home because I couldn’t go to sleep. A sleep study doesn’t do much good if you can’t go to sleep.

Life has been pretty uninteresting of late. It just seems that there is one test after another trying to figure out what is going on.  I have come to the conclusion that there is one of two things going on:

1. I am getting old and fighting it every inch of the way, just not getting enough sleep
2. There is some depression going on, but my life almost couldn’t be better so depression just doesn’t quite fit.

I have been living alone for the better part of three years now and actually find that I rather enjoy it. It took a real adjustment in the beginning since I have never lived alone in my entire 65 years.

• I can watch what I want when I want to.
• I can go where I want to go without checking with anyone else before I do.
• I don’t have to plan or prepare big meals
• It is quiet

What don’t I like about it?

• At first everything I didn’t like the quiet, I didn’t like having no one to cook for, I didn’t like having someone at the dinner table with me and I really didn’t like sleeping alone.
• I still don’t like to eat alone

Sleep deprivation can be a big problem for us.  I know I can get to be a real _itch when I don’t get enough sleep.

Don’t forget to Spring Forward tomorrow night before you go to bed.

I kinda just wish it would stay the same all year. My body clock doesn’t work as well as it once did. I will be up late for probably a week or two, how about you?

Welcome to my WordPress blog.  This is my first post on this particular subject.  As is common in most computer programs and languages – Hello World is first.

Welcome to my world. Today is Saturday at 9:07 PM the breeze is blowing through the window. Here in West Virginia we are just getting through what has been called the worst winter in the last 100 years. I guess if you wake up one morning and find 3 1/2 feet of snow on the hood of your car it can be quite surprising.

I am so looking forward to Spring! One of my favorite quotes as a matter of fact from Robin Williams is, “Spring is God’s way of saying Let’s party.” It is a whole new beginning. The dead of winter is almost past and there is so much to look forward to.   No matter where you are on your Widow’s Walk there is always something to look forward to when you are ready to leave winter behind.